The Mystery of Anger Management
One of my mentors said to me one time, “Michael your only problem is your level of simplicity with people.” He wasn’t happy when he said that. His point was drawn from his observation of me over the years. He said he has observed that I trust people too easily without necessarily giving attention to finding out who they truly are, as the case may be.
He was right. The only thing with his view was that he described it as a problem. It isn’t. It is simply a decision. And although my heart has been broken a thousand times, it is a choice I’ll be proud of for the rest of my life.
I have shared my approach to potential relationships with as many people who cared to listen, and I’m willing to share with you. Humankind was created for interaction. God proved this when He said, “…It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Gen. 2:18.
Beyond marriage, this is also applicable to all the forms relationships that exist in the human nature. Although relationships and interactions are in levels, but at every point in time, the need arises to relate, interact, and coexist with other people. Because, “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.” -Eccl. 4:9.
And so what is this my approach? I observe to know you and understand who you are the moment you cross my path. I know your reactions to things, to yourself, to me, to words, to life, to others, and to God. This understanding helps me manage our relationship and as such limit conflicts as we proceed into the future.
What is a conflict? In this context, it is a form of confrontation or misunderstanding arising from dissatisfaction towards the actions of others. The outcome of which could have various levels of impact based on the reactions of parties involved.
By so doing, when you act in a certain way, instead of getting angry with you, I simply see it as a reflection of your personality. This does not in any way refer to being judgmental, but an understanding of people in order to follow peace with them.
I have been in the position of making some drastic decisions that would have had a decisive blow on my relationship with some people, but as often as possible, I overlook and move forward with my life, while praying for them and wishing them well. Are my perfect yet? No!
But the beautify of life lies in being committed to relevant knowledge and being open to positive change as we proceed in life. And so I have had to deal with people who have taken harsh and decisive actions against me; some may be aware that I know, but most of them aren’t aware.
Yet I call some of them as often as I could, I send them texts once in a while, and most of the time I try to find out what may be wrong only to be greeted with silence in some cases. Yet we continue praying for them and loving them, because indeed we are fools for Christ.
Although, one of the greatest qualities of Great Leaders is decisive action, but even then, if you don’t have control over your emotions, you cannot successfully lead in any capacity.
People will be people, and you have heard it said that if you throw a stone at every dog that barks at you, you would never arrive at you destination. One of the blessings God has blessed me with is to consider those who aren’t fair to me exactly that way I consider those who sincerely look out for my wellbeing. It takes grace to attain such height.
Because understandably, the world expects us to be kind to those who are kind to us and apply commonsense to those who aren’t. Wait a minute! You’re absolutely free to give people space. Bishop David Oyedepo once said you can tell some people who aren’t adding value to your life not to come to your house again. He went ahead to say he does that.
This is absolutely acceptable. However, it is different from deliberately avoiding people’s efforts to make things right with us or having a free mind with them even though we have moved on. Some people’s greatest setbacks today are unresolved grievances of the past; failed relationships, harsh treatments, and unfair moments…
I was having a phone counseling with a lady few days ago, and she revealed a high level of hatred for a certain state in Nigeria, because her ex whom she has a child for is also from that state. She told me how the guy used to beat her up and treated her like crap.
But gracious! She genuinely forgave him about a year ago, although they’re no longer together, which is also understandable. Forgiving people doesn’t necessarily mean that things must go back to how they used to be. It means that you have accepted to move on with your own life; the one and only life that you have.
You don’t need to bear such burdens all through your life. Wait a minute! There are those who have been raped, even by a gang. The question is: “Are my willing to have my heart curse them all my life and remain in the bondage of unforgiveness or are my willing to let go, forgive, and let God, while I proceed with my life and even use my experience to help others?” I prefer the later; the part where I move on.
It is difficult to truly make progress (all-round progress) in life when you refuse to forgive certain people. The devil tends to use this kind of people as remote control. Because unforgiveness at its peak, births depression. No wonder the number of sadists in the world today is on the increase; folks who just get angry, irritated, and depressed all of a sudden, and usually for no apparent reason.
We cannot overestimate the need to consciously develop control over our emotions and anger, but one thing to bear in mind as you start is that many will consider you a fool. It doesn’t change anything, Jesus Christ was considered a moron by those He came to die for, how much more you and I, His followers?
Finally, let these words echo in your heart:
1. NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN THIS WORLD SHOULD HOLD THE POWER TO MAKE YOU UNREASONABLY OR EXCESSIVELY ANGRY OR DEPRESSED.
2. HAPPINESS IS NOT HAPPENINGS; HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE. SO YOU’RE NOT DEPRESSED BECAUSE YOU CANNOT BE HAPPY, YOU’RE PROBABLY DEPRESSED BECAUSE YOU HAVE LOST FOCUS ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF LIFE.
3. THOSE OF US WHO LIVE FREE AND EXTREMELY HOPEFUL, IRRESPECTIVE OF CIRCUMSTANCES DON’T NECESSARILY HAVE LIFE MORE FIGURED OUT THAN YOU. WE JUST MADE A RESOLVE TO FOCUS ON GOOD THINGS, SEE THE GOOD IN OURSELVES AND OTHERS, NEVER GIVE UP ON PEOPLE, AND KEEP TRUSTING IN AND LOVING GOD.